A Case for Empathy (we're only human, after all)

June was BUSY. I finished a 10 week mentorship program, documented multiple days at the clinic and I'm now prepping materials for my first ever grant proposal for Vital Impacts. Go big or go home, amirite?

From an artist statement (oddly harder than I thought) to a full project wide edit that's required an overhaul to my attachment to way too many images (let 'em go, Molls, just let 'em go) in order to find optimal sequencing, let's just say the first steps of this process has required a full bag of MudWtr (yes, it's great and you should try it with an oat creamer), an unknown count of pacing around the house and chronic brow furrowing that would make the Muppet duo Statler and Waldorf bow down in respect at the exceedingly churlish self-judgment during image and writing reviews.

But hey, it's getting there. The deadline is early September. And like I said initially, this is the place for accountability, so I'll let you all know when it's submitted.

One of the main asks of this particular grant is that the submitted stories should "humanize" the topic as well as appear "solutions-based." At first I wasn't sure this project would really tick those boxes, but after considering the footage and individual anecdotes collected over this particular month, I realized it fits perfectly..

These past couple weeks at the shelter, I documented my first behavioral euthanasias, walked clinic dogs with long time volunteers - one of whom was part of the now defunct Decompression Program (more on that later) - and fell in love with Fetty (see below). I started considering the toll exacted on the people operating in this environment - from veterinarians, techs, admissions staff, volunteers, APS officers, rescue teams, adopters and yes, I'll include those who surrender animals. We're all in this together. It's anything but easy and yet easy to lose our humanity while negotiating the tough stuff. This conundrum lies at the core of this project's thesis, which is developing stronger roots as an earnest exploration into the disconnect of empathy for other beings that is so evident in animal welfare and asks the central question: How do we get people to care? Perhaps by not letting that 'care' disappear in the first place, by refusing to turn coping mechanisms into numbness and futility.

By feeling it all.

Last Wednesday morning, I watched as volunteers and Central Pet staff said goodbye to a long time shelter resident, Chico. They'd brought a variety of treats, including some Dr. Pepper that they skillfully poured into a plastic cup lid. He was laying on two soft blankets and after a small slurp, laid his head down smiling. "How long has he been here?" I quietly asked. "Oh god, like, 560 some days?" they replied in near unison and with intermittent tears.

I didn't know Chico but was told he had physically declined, losing mobility in his legs and hadn't been able to secure a stable forever home despite a stint as the volunteer office dog in order to help alleviate the stress of the shelter. He appeared exceptionally sweet and just a damn good guy. When the time came for the supervising vet techs to deliver the final injection, the people around him stayed right where they were, holding his paws, kissing his ears and laying beside him. Afterwards, one embraced him fully, her head laid down on his stilled body, listening to a now silent heartbeat.

I gotta be honest, it was really good to see so much emotion. Sadness took top rank, but to me, that's not to be measured as good or bad. It's just real. And necessary. And humanizing.

As humans, we tend to avoid difficult emotions and feelings. Why? My best guess is its residue from our evolutionary periods where you couldn't really take a minute for a good cry because well, you had to survive. But time goes on. As my bonus dad Michael puts it, "life is a terminal condition." Now in his early 80s, we get coffee semi-regularly and 'shoot the shit' about life, love, politics - the whole nine yards. When he was a boy, his family had a dog who was hit and killed by a car. The emotional devastation didn't allow him space to open up to any other animals despite his wife Mary's adoption of a Siamese cat who lived a long decade plus before passing not quite two years ago. But then came the kittens - Lewis and Clark, a bonded pair who found themselves quickly at home repairing Gem's void. Michael's self-constructed wall has officially crumbled with them. "I know that they have lives that will end, but somehow now, I just don't worry. I love them so much, even when they're doing crazy things!" he admitted this week, eyes a tad misty. I nodded, "I get it."

Sick or healthy, animals in the shelter system lose their lives. Wars break out, people break up, hearts are broken. Loss and hardship, we can't escape them. Shit happens a lot. But so does the good stuff, if we can wait for it.

And I tell you what, I'd still rather feel it all. Even the lonesome bits, which have been rather severe lately, for a shot at truly and completely living. Otherwise, what's the point?

All of this to say, the time spent inside this project's world so far (and really all animal-focused documentation I do) has reaffirmed my longstanding belief that people are the path forward to improving the world for our animal friends. If we are better, we can make it better for them.

So let's fix us by feeling things. Let's ask how each others' days are and answer more honestly, without fear of being or feeling or saying "too much". Emotional strength is a muscle to be flexed too, one that will allow for more small moments of care like the quick nuzzle on a snout, extra time spent in a yard for a clinic kiddo and thoughtful gauze decorations for a dog's cast.

Taking a second to consider the person on the other side, reserving judgement and test driving open conversation and understanding. Going the extra mile when possible. Getting the Kleenex out. Giving love a real shot. That's what this story is about. I hope the grant folks will get it, but if not, I'll still be telling it.

In the spirit of living to the fullest and because I desperately need to recharge my empathy batteries, I'm off to learn how to ride a dirt bike for a week somewhere in the woods of British Columbia. I'm sure I'll be feeling it in other ways come Saturday. 🙃

See y'all soon.